This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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