he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
