Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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