Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
