i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
