These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
