just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
