So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
