The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
