Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
