You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
