i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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