i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
