When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Of course I have a pirate flag
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
