She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
