Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
try to milk me bitch
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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