and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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