I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
