He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
