Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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