you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize