I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
