He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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