Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I wish there were birth control emojis
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
