so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
