Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
