ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
