she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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