What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
