I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Hippo gnu deer
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You did what with his pubic hair?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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