dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
