Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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