genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
