Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
