I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
please come you make the beer taste better
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
