I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
