Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
