when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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