Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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