I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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