Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
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We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
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She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed