Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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