Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
