PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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