She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
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Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
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An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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