So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
