i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize