Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
false alarm, still single
Randomize