This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
