I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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