tell your sister to shave her snatch
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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