I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize