I cannot find my penis.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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