So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
