I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize