Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
