you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
