When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
