I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
