she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
