Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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