My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
