Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i came on her dog
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
