good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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