this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
