vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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