Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
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My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
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the gays at disneyland are vicious
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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