Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize