you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
