Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
