After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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